I've known it was coming, and it finally came up. "I have an offer letter for you in my office; you are coming back next year, right?" It was the School Director asking me the big question. Since he was on his way somewhere important, I easily put him off with, "I'm wondering that too."I've been fretting, thinking, praying, wondering, and talking to everybody, about that very question. AM I GOING BACK NEXT YEAR? I'm talking about my part-time job as librarian at the kids' charter school. I'm still wondering. Here is a list of my ponderings. This will be a good exercise for me to sort through some of my thoughts. You can give me your input too!
PRO(Keep the Job):
1. I LOVE my job - will I ever be able to find a job more perfectly suited to me? (I even use my library degree!)
2. I LOVE that it's at the kids' school - will I ever be able to find a job more perfectly suited to their schedule, including days off? I even have teachers' prep days off, since I'm not a teacher!
3. My kids LOVE having me right there. Samuel's been reading this as I write it. He saw the phrase "quit the job" and asked, "Why quit the job!?" He seems shocked that I'm even considering it! (I guess I need to be talking to my kids about this too.)
4. I like being only part time, and I can ask for that. I expect that they would honor my request. They just want me there. I'm considering asking to work only afternoons instead of mornings, giving me my energetic time to get work done at home, but I dont' know if that would fit kids' other school schedules next year. (See CON#5)
5. When/if I want to go full time, we could qualify for state educator's insurance, enabling us to have GOOD insurance when Nels decides to leave his part-time real estate coaching (but he loves that!). Although it would be fun, I don't want full time yet.
6. I do get paid. It's not a lot, but it helps. I love the job so much that it hasn't bothered me that it doesn't pay a lot. I was the Chair of the Library committee before, as a parent VOLUNTEER before, with NO pay. But maybe I could work that into the negotiations....
7. I have felt it a bit of a missionary opportunity. I feel that it is my opportunity to create a safe, warm and welcome place in the school for all of the children. They LOVE it there. Everyone who enters feels the peace that place brings.
8. Am I having too little faith in being able to find such a perfect job again? Or maybe I don't ever want to work anyway? I already have a full time job here at home, the job I signed up for in the preexistence! It's the job I have wanted my whole life, and before.
9. It was largely by my effort that the whole thing was created in the first place. When I took the kids away from our last school, I promised Gregory I'd start another library at this school for him. I did, and it's wonderful. I get to be in there EVERY DAY! I'm not sure if I'm ready to give "my baby" away to someone else to make changes, and it no longer be as wonderful as it is...kind of selfish and even faithless, I guess. I know I will be okay if I decide to let it go.
10. I get to know and love LOTS of kids. It's fun knowing their names, their interests, etc. I like directing them to books that will interest them. I love being able to help everybody, teachers included. That's what makes me happy.
CON- (Don't go back):
1. Is it worth it? I can never get my house clean any more. I wasn't good at it before, but now my best working time is taken up by work in the morning, and in my "tired time", afternoons, I have no energy or desire to tackle the impossible job. The laundry is never done more than ever.
2. My mind isn't here (at home) all the time. (For example, when I was a Pamplered Chef consultant, my brain wasn't on three kids who needed potty training and how to accomplish it!) Fortunately, that hasn't been as big a problem with this job than other supplemental things I've done before. But sometimes I feel I need more brain time to ponder over children's issues and so forth.
3. I miss being able to say "I'm a stay-at-home Mom." I'm not sure if there was sinful pride involved, but I was proud of being on that important bandwagon. Now when someone asks me what I do, I somewhat reluctantly say, "I'm a part-time librarian at my kids' school, but I'm also a full time mom." Hey, perhaps I could reverse those two and solve that issue in part.
4. I don't have time to do other valuable things - go to the temple once week, teach weekly sign language classes like before, exercise (although I have a suspicion that if I did that, I'd have energy to do even more), help Nels with sorting his paperwork (but I'd rather we paid somebody else to do that), etc., etc.
5. Next year I may have kids at THREE different schools, and getting them to schools and home will be harder. (Gregory will start at a local charter high school, and Kimberly is seriously thinking about attending the local Jr Hi, for the wider class options and Church friends.) Also, having a job will limit being INVOLVED in each of the other schools like I am in this one. We feel that's key to children's success at school.
Hmmm. More prayer, fasting, and conversations with Nels and the kids. Your input is welcome, thanks!
6 comments:
Wow, That is a tough one Susan. I guess that is one good thing about living where I do. There aren't a lot of options when it comes to school and jobs. Good luck with whatever you decide! I wish I could help, but I have complete faith that you will make the right choice.
Your PRO list had me sold until I saw your CON list and now I know what you are wrestling with.
As someone who has had to work all her children's lives to help keep a roof over their heads and food in their carvernous mouths, I envy you that you even have the choice to ponder.
You know how to make the choice that will be right for you--I know you will! :-)
Some questions to ask yourself... What brings you more peace and happiness... being at school with the children, or being at home prepareing the place for your children. What would it take to make the Librarian offer un-refusable? What would it take to make it impossible to accept?
The answers to these questions won't solve the big dilemma, but they may afford a little clarity in the confusion. How's that for a straight answer? ;) Maybe the answer is to aleviate the time crunch somewhere else. Have the kids do the laundry..?..(or just their own) or cut out something else that is taking your time? Maybe tell the kids that you can't be their teacher unless they help out more... will that be any kind of incentive? Sometimes there is a third option we never see until God points it out to us...However you decide, your choice will be the right one! Love you Sis!
I would so love your job. For me, I personally think that a part time job is just what I am going to need for my sanity. I wish I could work now, but that's not happening for a long time... Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and staying home with them, it's just for my mental state of mind it would be nice to be able to "get out" of the house some of the time. You could clean, do laundry, organize and clean some more and it would never be done. Housework is never ending! You could do it forever and never do anything else. It could get depressing. I think it's easier to hire someone for the cruddy housework. Since your kids are all in school I don't see how you wouldn't call yourself a full time mom wheather you worked part time or not. You can't be with your kids 100% of their lives. As long as they know you are there for them and they come first. k, I could go on forever and I am all for SAHM's but sometimes it just works out fine in the long run. As long as your not too overwhelmed with work and all you have to do. Hey, maybe you could call Dr. Laura - LOL
Trust yourself to make a decision. There may not be a "right" decision to make, sometimes we just trade one type of stress for another, you may simply have to decide what set of stresses you prefer. Seek the Lord's counsel, and I trust you to know what you and your family need.
I do not envy you making this decision. I know the passion you have for your job as a wife and mother and I know the passion you have for your job at the library! There may not be a clear cut "right and wrong" answer but I also have total confidence that you will do what is best for you and your family! Those are the two most important things!
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